Done

i just want to give up. I want to crawl out of my skin.

i need something different. i want something so bad. i hate wanting things. everyone always wants something. the human species are so selfish and self indulged. i want to do something for someone else for a change. my thoughts are so scattered. this probably doesnt make any sense. I want to meet new people and see new places. Mostly i just want college.

Time is pssing too quickly. soon enough im going to be old. We're all going to be old. Does that frighten you? it frightens me now but i was thinking about it and if i live a good life and do the things i want to do, then i wont be as sad when i get old.

i've also been thinking that there's no point being sad about certain things such as the way society works. we need to do something about it instead of just being angry about it. i need to do something. i dont know what though. Maybe go away and live someplacce where it's always Fall. I love Fall.

the colors
the smell
nature is beautiful.
i want it to always be like this.
im so happy.

Hypocrite

I am happy to be back at school, it gives me something to do. I hate being aimless and having no structure, i NEED structure, i NEED a goal and i NEED to feel like I'm going somewhere.
I am such a hypocrite and its disgusting. Needs are okay wants are not. I need to make it somewhere. If i leap for that cliff and miss by even an inch i will perish.

Carefree

i don't care anymore. I don't care what people think of me. They can hate me if they want, it's a free country. I hate when im around a crowd of people and all i can think about is if theyre judging me or not. It's not a good way to live, it's just stressful. I don't give a damn anymore HA!

I went to Montserrat and it was amazing. I felt like i belonged their. I didn't feel like an outcast, it was a beautiful day. There are no words to describe how amazing it was. I want to go there and stay forever. Or at least until i get a job and stuff like that. I still want to compare the city to the subarbs buuuuut i think Montserrat is going to beat living in the city.

I have officially gotten my GPA up to where it's supposed to be; i could leap for joy right now. Now there is one less thing i need to worry about. Any good grades i get now are just adding on to my already graet GPA. I am happy.

numb

it's humid in my house but not outside. i want to be outside but my art is calling for me to be inside. Flowers are an unispirational thing to draw. It's hard to get into; to consume myself in the stroke of each petal gets harder with each line taht protrudes from my pencil. i shoudl be there now, in front of that forsaken drawing, but instaed im here typing words that no one will read.i don't feel like im living, im numb but im not unhappy. just numb.