issues

so it is 12:30 and i have eaten a jello, a pickle, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and an ice cream in the last 3 hours. i know its not because I'm hungry. I'm trying to fix my mood with food. It's so fucking unhealthy, i know this, but i don't know how to stop. i want to try and figure out a way to stop over eating but when i think about it i generally just eat more because then i get depressed. It's a never ending battle. GAWD dieting is harder then you think. Diets DO NOT WORK because as soon as you get off of it you gain back twice the wait you lost. godammit. this is too hard.

So i have started the mural i was bitching about and i think that so far its alright. you can't judge artwork until its finished, but you can get a feel of how its going to turn out by the work you do while finishing it. My teacher said that he wouldn't be surprised if i finished it in three days...pfff. why do they think great things of me? It actually breaks my heart to know that people think I'm great because in truth, I'm not the person people think i am. i am average and broken.

Summer has only been for what? 4 days? and i can already see what the rest of it will consist of, art, computer and an endless flow of rented movies. It's quite dull. I want to get a lot done though. I WILL get a lot done...i hope. I really need to.

damn.

Technology is taking over my life. i believe this world would be better without. People would spend less time sitting in front of televisions zoning out and they wouldn't talk on the phone all day. They'd actually interact with on another instead of having some stupid device do it for them. I would get a lot more done if i didn't have this stupid fucking computer dragging me to it every ten seconds. I know that its a choice to live this way but when you have a computer and what not its hard not to use it. It's always a choice of will i go and draw or will i spend the next 3 hours on facebook? its ridiculous. I want to get rid of them and then i would feel better. I don't think my family would be happy about that decision.

Why is it that i think 10x better at one in the morning then i do during the day? Its strange. I have so much more energy too. i feel like i could go for a jog right now. I'll probably just go work on my mural instead. That's what i should do. I need to get more exercise in my life though. Another thing to add on to my my never ending list:exercise.