Summer is not the most enjoyable time of the year. it does not bring people closer, it does not make me happier. it makes me feel alone. i want to call up all the people that i promised to hangout with but then my stomach gets tied in a knot and i decide not to. Don't get me wrong, i love to be around my friends but lately ive been pushing everyone away. When someone tries to fit into the world, they choose to hangout with a variety of different people until they find a crowd they are comfortable with and fit into. Sometimes, when someone doesnt find that place in the world that they belong, they give up and become ultimately alone. I dont want to be that somebody.
I said that i would do this mural for the school and im wishing that i had said no. You know when you love to do something but hate it when your SUPPOSED to do it?. I'm not being made to do it but i still have the feeling that i am. I know that when i finally begin it, i wont feel this way anymore.
It really bothered me the other day when i heard from a person that i have known for a while that what i thought was the truth wasnt. It's really long and complicated but my point is that when i think something is fine and happy but then it isnt it kills me. From a distant things can sem fine but when you look closer its not. When you peel back the layers of something it doesnt appear to be that marvelous thing you thought it was. i dont think youd be able to understand what im saying, sorry.
Ive been trying to lose weight for a while now but then when everything is going good and ive been eating healthy, my family has chinese food or something for supper. ive just been handed a fist full of candy. GAaaah its just too tempting. Its hard to eat healthy and such when the people around you have a diet of only junk food. losing weight is easier said then done. i WILL lose weight god dammit!
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