not sure if its anger

i feel like Ive been pretty pissed off lately but I'm not entirely sure. i think its just me and not the people around me, yet i still seem to be pissed off at everyone. its like I'm mad at them for being happy. pretty messed up right? i think i might be turning into a total bitch. i want to live in sum ignorant bubble and just not deal with people. gawd. i sound so negative. I'm really not an angry person, its just my mood at this time period.

Ive been really thinking about college lately. i feel as though its my only escape. its my only hope for a normal life. i would really love that. i want to paint 24/7 and just love being me. i get angry when I'm not able to create a picture that's "perfect" because I'm failing if i do. Im not a perfectionist I'm just looking for something. i don't know exactly what that is. but i know I'm only going to get it through my art.

i cant tell people enough how much i love art

there isn't any words for it

i feel like this blog is pointless and that no one is going to read it, but its helping me in this dumb way of "clearing out the clutter in my head" I'm going to adopt the same rule as jeff greene and I'm not going to delete anything that i type. haha. so most likely, none of my blogs are going to make any sense.

i used to loove watching movies and just chilling on the sofa but theres a point where it just gets old. i probably watch a movie at least twice a day and i hate it now. even if its a GREAT movie, i still hate sitting there. i want to talk to people and i want to DO SOMETHING. im tired of wasting my life away watching damn movies. my friends seem like theyre always doing something. im bored with life. i want to take more risks. talk to more people and stop being a dumbass. i think i need to hang out with my friends more. thatd make me happier.